Juice Boxes Vs. The World

Whenever there’s reason to think that North America is moving towards a more progressive stance on social issues, people like Alex Jones open their mouths and ruin it for everyone.

It’s amusing until you realise he’s not joking and people legitimately believe that the war between good and evil is upon us – The gay man and his army of juice boxes will lead us straight to hell!!!!

These are the people that keep the “Don’t ask don’t tell” policy from being revoked.

Please join me in a collective face palm.

Crazies In The News

In light of the republican crazy currently touring our country, I figured I’d introduce you to some other newsworthy lunatics.

Robbers FAIL – two would-be robbers decided to call a bank ahead of time giving them a heads up of their arrival. Too bad they didn’t realise that heads up also went to the police.

Drug mix-up – Melbourne customs mistook Nestea powder for 2.44 kg of methamphetamines. The poor owner of the drink powder had to spend 5 days in custody while the substance was tested. She at least was awarded $5,000 for the inconvenience. To be honest, I would spend 5 days in custody if I could get that much money in compensation.

Layman’s Twilight – A vampire copycat decided not to intimidate a cab driver with the gun that was in his possession, but instead thought it was a great idea to bite the man.

Home is wear the bars are – In a reverse prison escape, a man gets 15 years for breaking into a jail, in violation of his probation terms. A desperate man calls for desperate measures – he only did this because the jail wouldn’t take him back when he asked nicely.

Snail snot – A Miami man who claims he practices a traditional African religion made his devotees drink giant African snail mucus…because he can. There are two problems with this: 1) Giant African snails are prohibited in the U.S. without permission. 2) Snail boogers made people violently ill causing weight loss and stomach lumps.

Bizzaro World (News)

Congrats to Scott Brown on ruining a Kennedy legacy, and aborting a tradition of class. Welcome to the Senate.

Oh the weirdness of the world. To divert your attention from your schooling and working, or to push you further into the procrastination pit, I’ve compiled some of the oddities of the week right here on the wonderful blog of me.

The Mexican ruling party wants to send some musicians to jail for performing songs that glorify drug use / trafficking. Afroman probably shouldn’t go to Mexico.

It seemed like a good idea at the time when 10 brave young Germans decided to drink chili sauce 200 times hotter than normal. Eight ended up being hospitalized, all of which are the laughing stock of their high school. For shame.

Palin On FOX: 5 Better Alternatives

Fox news’ dumbest yet most predictable move towards the complete obliteration of journalistic integrity comes with their decision to feature former Alaskan governor and VP candidate Sarah Palin as a regular contributor on the ‘news’ network.

Here are five smarter decisions Fox should have made instead:

5. hiring a monkey as a contributor. The Japanese do this often and it would not ruin the ‘integrity’ of Fox news in the least. Heck, it would probably heighten it. At least monkeys don’t hold opinions.