Adil Says: Cycling Sucks – Join the Rollerblade Revolution

16 Dec

I didn’t know how to ride a bike until I was 18. Yes, I took the training wheels off about ten years later than the rest of you.  I only mention this to establish that bike culture has always been foreign to me, a fact that I had long lamented given how it’s grown to represent youth culture, conscious living and healthy being. At the risk of sounding like an image-conscious teenager, biking had become cool and I wanted in.

The problem is, the city was not really built for bikes and cars to co-exist and so the learning curve is frightening for the inexperienced.  In addition to that, I’m not one for spandex, I’m not crazy enough to do deliveries and most importantly, I don’t think I can ever cross the ultimate coolness barrier and drop the helmet. Oh, and I kind of get annoyed with cyclists when I’m driving. So clearly, biking is probably not for me but rather than watch the bandwagon roll on by, I thought to myself that we must create a new bandwagon and invite the masses. Who will be on this bandwagon?

Rollerblading Nation Unite.

When the idea first came to me that the rollerblade revolution was upon us, my first thought was of disbelief that I hadn’t thought of it sooner. It makes so much more sense.  Allow me to make the case in this 5 point comparison:

Rollerblading vs. Biking

Rollerbladers use sidewalks and are a menace to pedestrians. Bikes use roads and are menaced by cars.
Calling yourself a Blader conjures images of a vampire who slays vampire. So hot. Calling yourself a biker conjures images of bearded men on Hogs that they’re too big for.
Rollerblading makes you a better hockey player, a valuable payoff for a hockey mad country. Biking just makes us better spinners. When’s the last time a spinner won you gold?
Rollerblading is like pool in that if you’re on a date and the other person isn’t great, it’s a perfect way to initiate close contact If you try and do that in biking, you’ll likely collide, crash and the date will be over. Worst.
Rollerblading is up and coming. Be a trend setter. Biking is blasé. Do you really want to be behind the curve again?

Being part of Toronto’s bike culture means you’re too cool. Being part of the segway community means you’re not cool enough. Rollerblading fills that void in the middle for the masses and if you’ve ever dreamed of making a difference in people’s lives please join me at the

7 Responses to “Adil Says: Cycling Sucks – Join the Rollerblade Revolution”

  1. Jon December 16, 2009 at 8:19 pm #

    never really thought about rollerblading as being an excuse to touch someone, but thanks for the great suggestion!

  2. Jon December 16, 2009 at 8:20 pm #

    and who said bikers are cooler than segway-ers?!

  3. Smart Ass December 17, 2009 at 8:53 am #

    I took off my training wheels at about 6.

  4. Corey December 18, 2009 at 7:50 pm #

    Plus…if you have a dog or other trained mammal, you can get it to pull you while it runs.

    • Adil December 18, 2009 at 9:28 pm #

      Didn’t even think of that. Awesome Corey

  5. Adam December 21, 2009 at 3:25 pm #

    can you imagine a force of rollerblading cops coming down at you. thats some scary shit. whereas cops on bikes ringing their bells….. well you get the picture

    plus roller blading is just that much more difficult. weeding people out makes things a million times hotter

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